Working in marketing, an important part of my job is to monitor social media activity. In addition to this, on my downtime, I like to catch up with friends and family on Facebook. I spend more time than the average person does looking at Facebook, so maybe I just see more odd behavior. Here are the 40, yes 40, species of Facebookers that I have discovered (other than the normal ones like you and me of course). I humbly confess to the ones I am guilty of perpetrating.
1) The Spoiler – The poster who unthinkingly blurts out reality show results or movie endings without thinking… “OMG I can’t believe they eliminated Kelly from SYTYCD!” …thereby completely negating the fact that you had it DVR’d. It’s because of these people that you have to avoid Facebook until you catch up on your show. Profile Picture: The actor they are told they look like.
2) The TMI person – The one who shares inappropriate and disgusting information not fit for polite society. Amused or impressed with their own bodily functions, or with odd predilections, these are the folk you hide to avoid feeling dirty or nauseous. Profile Picture: Their inappropriate tattoo.
3) The Drama Queen – Everything is a tragedy in this person’s world…from ruining a favorite shirt to a disagreement with the boss. This person’s world is always about to end and no one feels emotion like they do. You can’t POSSIBLY understand, so don’t bother commenting. Profile Picture: A shot of them with their ex cropped out.
4) The Debbie Downer – Every post is “boo hoo hoo.” This person can’t muster any joy whatsoever and they live to make you feel bad too. Their cat is ill, their rent went up, and no one loves them. Makes you wish there was a digital Binky. Profile Picture: A crying angel with black wings.
5) The World Traveler – There is one simple reason we dislike this person: photos of shopping in Peru, coffee in Venice, rock climbing in New Zealand, and whale watching in the Pacific Northwest. They make us all jealous with their nifty exploits and as much as we hate it, we’re fascinated and look at every photo. Profile Picture: Them atop Mt. Whatever.
6) The Cryptic One – This person always leaves you wondering what the heck they mean. They post things like, “That’s it, I am finished!” With what? Your boyfriend? Your homework? Your sandwich? Then when someone responds asking for clarification, they never respond. This type of behavior does not make them mysterious. Instead, it just makes them irritating. Profile picture: A close up of their eye.
7) The Passive Aggressive – This person’s mean spirit is directionless and shows in posts like, “I wish she would just shut up” or “I just hate some people… you know who you are.” They don’t actually name a suspect. Instead, they just throw it out there untagged so that they don’t have to deal with any actual repercussion of the statement. Profile Picture: The evil look they think is smoldering sexiness.
8) The Gross Poster – This person is always posting abused dogs and motorcycle accident victims, usually on the premise of preventing animal abuse or texting while driving. The gross and macabre intrigue them. Unfortunately there are some things you just can’t un-see. Profile picture: Their infected toe.
9) The Gamers & Pollers – Their feed is filled with bonus points and farm gifts and high scores. Either that or they’ve revealed their cuteness level today or figured out their Vampire name. Without anything really interesting to say, these folks use Facebook as a conduit into their made up little world. Profile Picture: A screenshot of their Café.
10) The Quoter – Every. Single. Day. An inspirational quote or affirmation. A bible verse or horoscope. Frankly, we don’t care what your tarot cards said today. Really, really, don’t care. Profile Picture: Their horoscope sign.
11) The VeeJay – This person will post not one, not two, but 15 YouTube videos in a row because they want you to know what they are jamming to. They think their taste in music is so awesome it trumps anything you could be possibly listening to. Similar to The Spotify except their posts take up more visual real estate on your page. Profile picture: A shot of them in earphones and sunglasses.
12) The Lovebug – “Brad and I have been together 2.5 months! Happy Anniversary BabyBoo <3 xoxo” These people are making you candy-coated sick to your stomach. This is only compounded when the other side is the same way. While you may expect this from the teen set, there are way too many adults that do this too. Profile Picture: The two of them of course.
13) The Mommy – When a person’s profile and wall exclusively contains pictures of their baby/children. No adult pastimes, no pictures of them. Just every exploit of their darling child and every photo the camera can hold. Profile picture: The kid.
14) The Mundane – “Mopping the floor.” “Need Milk.” “Doing Laundry.” If you ever wanted some reading that will put you to sleep, just check out this person’s wall. Not only boring but usually repetitive as well. If you’re just going to post the same thing every day, don’t. Profile picture: Webcam shot of themselves.
15) The Work Hater – This person is known for a few key phrases: “My boss sucks.” “Is it 5:00 yet?” “TGIF” “Longest day ever.” Who knows what they do after 5:00 PM each day. Profile Picture: Tropical Beach/Their Happy Place.
16) The Reposter – Repost this if you agree!! Um, we all hate cancer, we all love our children, but we don’t have to repost everything you ask us to. Most of the time these folks don’t really have original content and are content being Yes Men. Profile picture: From four years ago.
17) The Check-In – Makes it easy to stalk their every move. Everywhere you go, everyone you’re with, everything you’re doing, goes on Facebook. Profile picture: Them and eight others at favorite restaurant (80% guilty).
18) The Cross-Platform – Facebook status updates contain hash tags because they are posting the same thing on Facebook, Twitter, Google + and Linkedin. Gets annoying if you follow them on more than one media. Status always less than 140 characters. Profile Picture: Headshot from work.
19) The Lurker – Never posts, never likes, never comments, but always seems to know exactly what you are up to when you run into them at the bagel shop. So you know they are looking at everything. Profile Pic: Same one since they started Facebook.
20) The Status Hijacker – The person that always jumps in with a non sequitur response to your post. You say: “MMM, tacos for dinner!” and your mom chimes in with “How’s your new cat doing?” Many times this is due to newbie confusion, other times it’s an attention issue caused by too much Facebook. Profile picture: Phone self-portrait.
21) The Rain On Your Parade – The minute you announce your promotion or your scheduled trip to Cancun, here comes Rain, ready to inform you that your new job means more taxes, or regale you with the odd rash they got in Cancun. Heaven forbid you are expecting a baby or getting married because this person will gladly remind you of real life by commenting, “But aren’t you in foreclosure?” Profile Picture: Suspiciously evil grin.
22) The Misspeller – Whoever taught this child in the second grade needs to be fired. Not only are they misspelling words, they are using the wrong homonym. Makes you want to correct them, so bad but you resist the urge because there are so many of them. Profile photo: Species too varied to specify.
23) The Bored One – Always bored, always saying “I’m bored!” which is toggled by “Text Me!” and “What’s everyone doing?” Profile Picture: The latest third party photo manipulator.
24) The Attention Seeker – The Seeker always posts to specifically get you to ask them what’s wrong or if they’re OK. They are always confused and feeling sad and needing someone, anyone, to post and let them know they’re a good person, a great friend, and the sun will shine tomorrow. Profile picture: Them. Sad.
25) The Comedian – Nose, meet milk. This person always has you laughing with original stuff. Whether they’re musing about things or pointing out the funny in everything, these folks are the joy of Facebook and we need more of them. Profile picture: A straight face.
26) The Sick & Tired – We are all sick and tired of hearing from the person who is always sick and/or tired. Their feet hurt, their throat’s dry, they think they caught the office bug. They better go lay down. Profile picture: Their feet in front of the TV.
27) The Facebook Jock – Follows every game, every league and does their best impression of an ESPN broadcaster, keeping you updated on scores and offering their opinion of each athlete’s game. Profile picture: In team colors at team game/match.
28) The Food Photographer – Whether the gourmet meal in front of them is home cooked or served up at a restaurant, this person is forced to photograph the chow for posterity. This only serves to make those stuck on the computer very hungry. Profile picture: Last night’s filet with red wine reduction (100% Guilty).
29) The Crusader – This one is looking to garner your vote, or to get you to sign a petition or boycott a major brand because they get their goods overseas. The crusader is always trying to right a wrong. Profile picture: Them with a sign at a protest.
30) The Musician – Posts about their new CD that you’ve heard about but never seen as well as their upcoming gigs and snippets of the band “live.” Encourages you to visit their MySpace page. Profile picture: Them with their instrument of choice.
31) The Ferris Bueller – Set up a Facebook page in 2010 because someone said they should. Responded to your friend request long after you forgot you requested them. Nothing on their wall except invites to farm. Profile picture: Default grey and white Facebook person.
32) The Political Commentator – This person thinks they are on Meet The Press and that their point of view is so righteous and so correct that they must share it with everyone. This person can be from any political party, but you will know which one by the type of propaganda they distribute. Profile picture: Candidate of choice.
33) The Addict – A person who is stuck to Facebook constantly throughout the day and posts every five minutes, be it on their wall, your wall, your pic, his pic, her pic. They take up your notifications dropdown. Profile photo: A pic from last night (70% Guilty – Social Media is part of my job, eh?).
34) The Shadow – The person compelled to comment on every comment you post, every picture you upload. It’s like they can’t help following you around everywhere you go on FB…kind of like a lost little dog. Profile Picture: A picture of them… and you!
35) The Emcee – This person finds it necessary to comment every moment or two throughout an awards ceremony, performance or reality show. “Can you believe what John is wearing?” “I think they should get rid of Lily!” Profile Picture: Favorite celebrity.
36) The Narcissist – Constantly uploading pictures of themselves, mostly photoshopped. Most are of certain body parts. Abs for guys, chests for girls. Every chance to show off their perfect hair and strike a pose. Profile picture: The bathroom mirror pic.
37) The Host – The event planner of the group is always inviting you to tons of events even if you’ve never been to one. Always has 2500 or more Facebook friends and knows everyone. Yeah, everyone. Profile picture: Tux or evening gown.
38) The Fan Girl – And to be fair, fan boys. The person who is just 100% obsessed with some singer, actor, or the character from a show. All of their musings, posts, thoughts and photos are about this person. They link to articles about them. They would “die” if they ever met them, etc. Profile photo: The crush.
39) The Marketer – Doesn’t matter if you like their business page or not, this person still uses their personal page to promote their business all of the time. You want to demand they use a business profile but they don’t know the difference. So you get to see their restaurant specials, or real estate listings, like it or not. Profile picture: The 3/2 they’re trying to sell. (20% Guilty, I post my blogs to my Facebook)
40) The Couple – You have to wonder if this couple is inseparable or if one or the other couldn’t care less about social media. Their name is always AmyAndRob Jones, or similar. When a birthday notification comes up, you’re not quite sure whose birthday it is so you don’t post. Profile picture: Amy, Rob, the kids, the dog and the cat.
As you can see, I was forced to fess up to more than one of these behaviors. I normally only photograph food I make, but I think it looks good and I do it to one-up my friend Larry who posts some amazing looking grub 1200 miles away. I try to keep my posts to under three a day, and try to be conscientious of my audience. Luckily, a few hundred people continue to think I’m cool. *Posts to Facebook*
So, what type of Facebooker are you? Did I miss one?
- Vikki F.
Let us know at our Facebook Page, our Twitter, or by sounding off in the comments below!